Air Sex East Coast Regionals (2011)

Posted on January 20, 2011

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Tim League, owner and founder of the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas (also home to the music festival Austin City Limits) saw how popular air sex had become in Japan and decided to bring it to America, Iron Chef style.

I attended the Air Sex East Coast Regionals in NYC on Friday, 11 January, at the Mercury Lounge after finding out about it through  Iheartchaos, an aggregator of humorous, depraved, and interesting media. As an amateur photographer, I thought the competition would be a hilarious photo-op, and it was most certainly.

For those who aren’t familiar with the concept of “air sex,” I’m going to steal the definition:

It’s a lot like Air Guitar, but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you’re making sweet and/or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner. You choose a clip of music, you show up in whatever sort of wardrobe you like, and you come up on stage and show everyone how you do it. Or how you wish you could do it. Or how you once had it done to you…Or, you know, just do it however you want.

Nudity isn’t allowed at the events, but alcoholic beverages, raunchy proclamations, and “airections” are heavily encouraged.

The judges from left to right: Leah Siegel (singer-songwriter-instrumentalist in Firehorse), John O’Donnell (NY Comedian), and Adam Wilson (not sure what he does, but here’s his twitter)

Tim League of the Alamo Drafthouse said the judges look for:

…originality, creativity, gusto–and also for the main thing you look for in air guitar competitions. The contestants must achieve ‘airness,’ where you forget that you’re not actually watching somebody play guitar or have intercourse and you think my god that guy’s a fabulous lover.

There are a few historical snid-bits regarding American air sex. I believe it’s been going on since March of 2008, with events taking place in 14 cities across the country. 2009 was the first year a world champion was chosen in Austin (see the performance of the winner from 2010 below–you obviously don’t have to.)

The winner of the East Coast Regionals (the venue I attended) gets a free ticket to Austin to perform in the third annual world championships on February 26, 2011.

MC Chris Trew (nationally touring comedian, rapper and improv comedy teacher)

Chris has been hosting air sex competitions for some time now and keeps an archive of photos shot by audience members along with videos he’s recorded from the events. He encouraged the photographers to get up on stage and take shots if they wanted to, which I eventually did.

The Icebreaker

After explaining the rules and encouraging audience members to give air sex a try, Chris was the first to perform.

“The Donkey Show” mid-performance

The Donkey Show decided to perform once Chris invited audience members to sign up. They were the only threesome of the night, and they followed Chris’ act with a highly conceptual performance with an apparent story-line.

Despite their bravery, and the awesome two girls/one guy combo, they received a mostly negative review. I liked them though. I thought the next group sucked. Being a critic isn’t so hard now, eh?

“Clown Baby” & Friends

Granted my face was glued to a DSLR camera, I didn’t really understand what was going on during this performance. Before they went on stage, I stood next to these fellas in the crowd and overheard that Clown Baby, the guy whipping his plaid shirt off above, was convinced by his equally intoxicated friends to perform. I didn’t figure his two friends were going to be snapping their fingers and swaying awkwardly in the back.

Note on the camera used: Sony: 3.5-5.6/18-70…not the most ideal equipment, but there’s nothing wrong with challenge.

“Clown Baby’s” friends snap in unison

Judge Leah was a big fan of the name Clown Baby, as well as his “cute ass.”

Since this is all treated as a sporting event–those who don’t go big, go home, or back to the audience.

“Ana Banana” fellates some O2

Ana Banana was one of the more acrobatic acts to perform. Splits? Got em. One-handed cartwheels? Sure, why the fuck not? I had the privilege to stand next to Ana’s two friends Kate and Margaret, who, all hyperboles aside, were the loudest girls I’ve ever been in the presence of–how their larynxes didn’t rupture or combust, was beyond me.

Also worth noting, these Sindel-like women tried to hook me up with Ana. I know, I know…I missed out.

Well, there I am, crouching, front row. If you didn’t know me and if you had never read this, and you had somehow managed to come across air sex footage…I would’ve been just another anonymous bloke in the audience then, yeah?

Judges:

I like how the cock you were sucking in the beginning had balls down to his knees.

When you did the split, you reminded me of Gina Davis in A League of Their Own–very impressive.

At one point, Ana bent-over and Chris mentioned putting away her “bean-dip”–a reference I still don’t quite understand.

“Chuck Naked’s” unassuming smile

For a misleading introduction, Chuck had Boyz II Men lull the audience with “I’ll Make Love to You,”  and after stretching someone’s donated pantyhose over his head, he began his macabre act.


Chuck Naked makes use of the severed head

Judges:

I was fucking terrified…and that’s how I like it.

If this were the air rape championships, you would have definitely won, and if not, you would have at least placed.

This was the first pantomiming I’d seen of someone making out with a corpse’s head while fucking its body–an outstanding bucket-list moment.

“Dirty D,” dressed with winter air in mind, takes the stage alongside accompanying guitarist

Getting all up in Dirty D’s Amurikun business

Dirty D is no stranger to Air Sex stage. He’s performed in multiple competitions and he was the only contestant to have an actual musician accompany him–which worked well in my opinion. I think the 70’s porno funk really brought out the best in Dirty.

Chris calls out to Dirty D’s mother in the audience

I didn’t hear Sonya’s reply, but judging by the nervous laughter coming from the audience, I accepted this fact for what it was, hilariously wrong.

Judges:

You’ve got a pointy dick!

Dirty, I’m wet.

“Professor Long Hair” reviews her notes

This was purely a blowjob act, and kudos to the professor for it being so.

As the music began, the professor handed out notes to each of the judges that detailed entry-level cunnilingus.

The professor shows off

Interestingly, the professor’s educational flyers backfired when a judge said:

Cunnillingus 101? Fuck you, bitch. I need cunnillingus 801!

But another judge sided with her, claiming that her act was a prime example of how society doesn’t focus enough on the educational system.

Next up: “January Sunset”

Downward facing dogs

January Sunset consisted of a duo of ladies, each very intent on posing in yoga-like forms that resulted in a surprisingly minimal amount of airsexing.
After their song had ended, boos started to emanate from the crowd until MC Chris calmed everyone and explained to the girls how they were going about it all wrong. He offered them a second try, to which they agreed to. They chose Aerosmith’s “Sweet Emotion” for their second go and began to touch each other, pre-make out style. Wawaweewa, very nice! But Chris interceded and made it known that:

We’re about perfecting the art of air-sex.

And so, the January sun had set.

“Ramrod”

Ramrod was another character that didn’t quite catch the concept of the competition since he immediately grabbed the mic stand and used it to represent his gonads.

Adam protects his laptop from Ramrod’s raving mic stand penis

Judges:

I’m not sure why you’re dressed like a 1970’s Irish president–

Mic stand aside, I didn’t care for being face-fucked for a few minutes

Ramrod, carry on brother.

“Big Dick Door Guy”

Well, get ready to witness greatness, I suppose.

Looks like Mushu, right?

Judges take in the spectacle that is Big Dick Door Guy

I just like Adam’s face in this one

After Door Guy’s act, three contestants were chosen for the final round based on how loudly the audience cheered. Surprisingly, Ana Banana did not qualify.

‘Twas a fierce battle

Big Dick Door Guy emerges the victor of the East Coast Regionals

Of course I got a shot with him

I asked Chris Trew where he saw Air Sex in the next five years, and he had this to say:

I hope to make Air Sex a nationally-recognized actual sport. We’ll have massive pay-per-view events and a presence in Las Vegas and television. There will be Air Sex training centers all over the country as well.

Update ( 2/2/2011): A video recap from the championships in Austin where “Deep Southern Fried Sex” would claim the title. Congratulations, you sheep-fucking bastard!

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